I got through my trip to the water park without getting too far off of the path.  I managed to to face the temptations of the trip, track what I ate, and keep it from getting too bad.  The weekend didn't end there though.   
I had to put on my suit (yes, it is a very large suit), and go to a wedding on Sunday afternoon.  I hate wearing dress clothes because I feel enormous.  Everything is constrictive and uncomfortable.  Don't get me wrong, I don't like dressing like a slob.  Yes, it's more convenient and more comfortable but that's not the only thing.  I just feel like wearing a (very large) suit and tie just draws attention to my body.  That's never a good thing.  
So, I was very uneasy about the way I was dressed.  That being said, I should also point out that this was the wedding of one of my very closest friends and most of my favorite people in the world were there.  I was not lacking for great conversation or warm, fuzzy feelings.  It was a happy and enjoyable evening.  It was also a sad reminder of my biggest problem...
Now, it's hard to count calories at a wedding or any other party.  That's not an excuse.  I diligently counted everything I ate to the best of my ability.  I went through the buffet line and got a small amount of food.  I logged my calories into my fitness pal and everything was fine.  
The problem isn't that I went back later for seconds, even though I shouldn't have.  I hadn't eaten that much and I still had a little wiggle room under my Basal Metabolic Rate.  The buffet was out of sight of the dining area.  I walked over to it when no one was watching and got a little more food.  I want to emphasize that it was only a tiny bit more food on top of my already small dinner.  It was certainly not worth feeling any real guilt over.
But then, I sat in the lounge area, away from all the other guests, and ate my second helping in secret.  I didn't even think about what I was doing until the last bite was gone.  
Again, I know what I need to eat (or not eat) in a given day.  Even with the second trip to the buffet table, I hadn't eaten too much.  Nonetheless, I didn't want to be seen eating a second serving.  I made an almost unconscious decision to eat quickly and out of sight.  This wasn't an event full of strangers or casual acquaintances.  I was surrounded by people who love me and care about me.  Why did I feel the compulsion to hide what I was eating?
This is what I am trying to change more than anything.  This is where most of the guilt comes from.  
That being said, it could have been worse.  I didn't even eat a piece of cheesecake.  I made it through the long weekend, and my first week, without a lot of food issues.  
Oh, and the bride looked beautiful, and the wedding was lovely, and I wish them all the happiness in the world, and blah, blah, blah.  
* * *
Last week, I averaged 2400 calories per day, just 658 total calories over my goal for the whole week.  I also lost 7.8 pounds.  

Bravo! That is a great start!
ReplyDeleteYou know what though- you noticed that you had the second helping in secret. You are more aware than you were a week ago and often times that is the biggest struggle. I am so happy for you!
God Bless