I got through my trip to the water park without getting too far off of the path. I managed to to face the temptations of the trip, track what I ate, and keep it from getting too bad. The weekend didn't end there though.
I had to put on my suit (yes, it is a very large suit), and go to a wedding on Sunday afternoon. I hate wearing dress clothes because I feel enormous. Everything is constrictive and uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I don't like dressing like a slob. Yes, it's more convenient and more comfortable but that's not the only thing. I just feel like wearing a (very large) suit and tie just draws attention to my body. That's never a good thing.
So, I was very uneasy about the way I was dressed. That being said, I should also point out that this was the wedding of one of my very closest friends and most of my favorite people in the world were there. I was not lacking for great conversation or warm, fuzzy feelings. It was a happy and enjoyable evening. It was also a sad reminder of my biggest problem...
Now, it's hard to count calories at a wedding or any other party. That's not an excuse. I diligently counted everything I ate to the best of my ability. I went through the buffet line and got a small amount of food. I logged my calories into my fitness pal and everything was fine.
The problem isn't that I went back later for seconds, even though I shouldn't have. I hadn't eaten that much and I still had a little wiggle room under my Basal Metabolic Rate. The buffet was out of sight of the dining area. I walked over to it when no one was watching and got a little more food. I want to emphasize that it was only a tiny bit more food on top of my already small dinner. It was certainly not worth feeling any real guilt over.
But then, I sat in the lounge area, away from all the other guests, and ate my second helping in secret. I didn't even think about what I was doing until the last bite was gone.
Again, I know what I need to eat (or not eat) in a given day. Even with the second trip to the buffet table, I hadn't eaten too much. Nonetheless, I didn't want to be seen eating a second serving. I made an almost unconscious decision to eat quickly and out of sight. This wasn't an event full of strangers or casual acquaintances. I was surrounded by people who love me and care about me. Why did I feel the compulsion to hide what I was eating?
This is what I am trying to change more than anything. This is where most of the guilt comes from.
That being said, it could have been worse. I didn't even eat a piece of cheesecake. I made it through the long weekend, and my first week, without a lot of food issues.
Oh, and the bride looked beautiful, and the wedding was lovely, and I wish them all the happiness in the world, and blah, blah, blah.
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Last week, I averaged 2400 calories per day, just 658 total calories over my goal for the whole week. I also lost 7.8 pounds.