Still, I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed with my weight this morning. I weighed 358.8 pounds. I lost 2.8 pounds since last Tuesday and 10.6 since I started this thing two weeks ago.
Why is that disappointing?
Weight loss is too often a competition in our society. Sometimes, it is actually a competition. I'm not just talking about The Biggest Loser. I've been in contests at my office and we even did a DietBet online earlier this year. Even more than that though, I find myself in some sort of imaginary race with myself. Why? Why am I in a hurry to lose weight? If I lose it fast, that's great. If I lose it more slowly, that's fine too.
I'm going to try very hard to see any progression as success. Losing weight is better than staying the same. Staying the same is better than gaining. That's it. There are no time limits. There is no prize other than being a better (smaller) me. Even if (God Forbid!) I should gain weight, as long as I get back on track right away then it's not the end of the world.
I am not going to be disappointed by a weigh-in.
That being said, there is an ultimatum. I have to stick to this because there is a consequence if I fail.
About three years ago, my doctor told me very plainly that I needed to look into surgical options for weight loss. My constant up and down weight fluctuation was never going to stop itself. She told me that I could lose the weight, but I would always be in danger of gaining it back. Sure enough, after that conversation I lost over 50 pounds and then gained 80 back.
Three months ago, I decided that she was right. It was time to admit that surgery was the best option. I met with my doctor again. I set up a consultation with a local surgeon. I even went to a seminar about weight-loss surgery options. Finally, after convincing myself and even some of my friends and family members that this was the right choice, I found out that it was not an option.
Our insurance does not cover the surgery under any circumstances. I work for a small company and we have very good insurance, but it doesn't cover any weight-loss surgeries for any reason. I could pay for it myself, but I don't have an extra $23000 lying around and I can't finance it either. So, surgery was not an option after all.
Then, I got an email from a company that offered to set me up with a free surgery if I would promote their company on the radio. The only catch is that it's a medical tourism company and the surgery would be done in Mexico.
Now, before you jump to any stereotypical conclusions, let me say that I researched both the company making the offer and facilities in Mexico. These people take GREAT care of their patients because this is their only business. They need every one of their customers to go home and tell people how great their experience was. Your local surgeon and hospital don't need that. You go to them because they're close and because your insurance is paying for it.
So, I have a option. I believe it is a safe and viable option. There's only one problem...
I don't want to have surgery. I realized that after my plans fell through the first time. I have to give it one more legitimate try before I commit to a surgical option.
This is my plan. I'm going to do this and I'm going to be successful. I'm going to stick with it.
If I don't, then I have to go with Plan B. That's not a "premeditated cop-out" as one of my friends called it. It's a safety net.
It's also a threat.
This time, if I don't stay on the wagon, I'm taking a trip to Tijuana.