There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays

Spending a week in your hometown, surrounded by your family and your old friends, can make you question who you are.  We all like to think that we know who we are, but it's not always easy. 

I'm charming.  I'm a nice guy.  I'm funny...

No.  I am hilarious.  

I am fairly confident in those things most of the time.  

Sure, I'm charming, but compared to my older brother Barkley, I am about as charming as a 3rd-rate used-car salesman.  Barkley is one of those guys who can talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything, and he is just incredibly likable.  In fact, I don't think I know anyone who has ever met him who doesn't like him.  When I'm around him, I still feel like the little brother watching carefully and trying to pick up a few tips.  

I always thought I was a nice guy.  After catching up with old friends on Saturday night, I learned that I was actually a terrible roommate to my friend William when we lived together during our freshman year of college.  I know he's telling the truth, but I seem to have completely blocked out that period of my life.  Apparently, while suffering through my first real breakup with my high school sweetheart, I was basically depressed and angry all the time.  It was actually very difficult to hear.  It is strange and disconcerting to hear someone talk about you in a way that is the antithesis of what you are used to.  It makes you question who you really are.  

I do know that I am funny.  I can make old friends laugh just as easily as new friends, and I can always make my family laugh.   Still, when I'm around people who have known me since I was a child, it is more difficult to tell stories and be in the spotlight.  It's not hard, but it is harder than usual. 

My brothers and my cousins don't see me the same way that my colleagues do.  My current group of friends don't see me the same way that my high-school friends do.  I don't even want to scratch the surface of what it's like to sit in a room with the girl that I was madly in love with when I was 15 years old, but let's just say that I'm an extremely different person in that situation as well. 

In the end, other peoples' perceptions of you can affect your own self-image.  I'm not sure why I'm even writing about this because I certainly don't know the answer (or even the question for that matter).  It has just been on my mind while I was driving ALL DAY LONG.  

I'm glad to be home and I'm looking forward to resuming a more normal schedule next week.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year!

* * *

I did surprisingly well over the holidays.  I averaged about 2500 calories per day, but I still only walked about 15,000 steps.  I lost 0.4 pounds.  I was actually hoping that it would be a little bit more, but I have to be happy that I didn't gain weight under the circumstances. 

I have lost 29.6 pounds total (in 84 days).