Where There Are No Expectations, There Is No Disappointment.

I did everything by the book last week, but I didn't lose any weight.  It could be the insomnia that I've been dealing with since last Wednesday.  It could just be a normal plateau in the weight-loss process.  Either way, I'm exhausted and a have very little else to write about today.

Here's hoping next week brings more success all around.

Don't Hurt Yourself

Everyone seems to know, on some level, that moderation is the best method for losing weight.  It's a pretty good strategy for life in general.  The problem is that moderation is not easy.  If it was easy, everyone would do it and there would be no market for gimmicks and tricks.  Moderation is downright hard to do.  

That's where all the fad diets and exercise programs come in.  Most of them are, in their own right, good in moderation.  The extremes are what bothers me.  

I want to focus on exercise for this particular post.  Moderate exercise is hard to do.  

Why is that?  By definition, moderate exercise should be easier than extreme exercise...

It is harder because it doesn't give us the dramatic results that we're craving.  The hard part about exercising in moderation is having the willpower to stick with it when the rewards are small and slow to materialize.  

I have personally seen people get hurt doing too much too soon.  It doesn't matter if it's cardio, weight-lifting, cross-fit, or whatever else.  You have to know your limits.

The most dangerous thing to a fat person in a gym is someone with good intentions who doesn't know the line between ' helpful encouragement' and 'dangerous peer pressure.' 

My most recent personal encounter with this was in a '30 minute intense fitness' workout that I tried at a gym a while back.  The instructor (and several of the students) kept pushing me to do exercises that I know are unsafe for someone of my size who hasn't worked out regularly.  This time, I didn't listen to them, but another guy in the class did.  He sprained his wrist, stopped going to the gym, and gained back all of the weight he had lost plus some.  

Another friend of mine went way overboard doing pull-ups in a cross-fit class.  He knew he had passed the point where he needed to stop, but he kept going because the trainer and the entire class were pushing him not to quit.  He damaged his shoulder so badly that he will need surgery to correct it.  

Here's the bottom line.  You are not a professional athlete.  When you are in pain, you should probably slow down.  I'm not talking about soreness and discomfort.  I'm talking about those times when you know something isn't right, but you keep pushing yourself because "pain is just weakness leaving the body."  

No.  Pain exists to motivate us to withdraw from damaging situations, and to protect a damaged body part while it heals.  

I'm not saying that you shouldn't push yourself, but I am saying that you shouldn't push yourself too far.  More importantly, you shouldn't push other people, especially strangers, in situations where they might injure themselves.  

In other words, let me walk and stop telling me to run!  I'll run when I'm ready.  I am NOT ready.  

Click here to read a great article about the dangers of the Biggest Loser for more info on this subject.

* * *

Last week, I averaged about 2300 calories per day, and I walked about 21,000 steps.  I lost 2.0 pounds!

I have lost 34.2 pounds total (in 105 days). 

In The Next Hundred Days...

We are starting a new weight-loss adventure at work.  Between four people, who all need to lose a LOT of weight, we are going to try to lose 100 pounds in 100 days.

Since I've already lost so much weight in the last 98 days, I felt like I might not be able to hold up my end of the deal.  So, I went a little bit crazy this past weekend.

I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say that there were buffets involved.

The crazy part is that I didn't gain any weight.  Well, at least not since last Monday.  What probably happened is that I had already lost about 2 pounds from Monday to Friday and then I put some of that back on.  Either way, the binge kept my starting weight for the new challenge from being too low.  It also made me feel HORRIBLE.  That can serve as a helpful reminder of why I shouldn't eat like that anymore.

* * *

I've been struggling lately with loneliness.

I haven't been on a date in almost 18 months.  I want to meet someone, but I have all the confidence issues you'd expect from a lifetime of obesity.  Nearly all women say that they just want a nice, intelligent, FUNNY guy.  That is bullshit.  If it were true, there would be a line of single ladies outside my office door right now.

I know that men are shallow too, but at least we admit it.  I don't hear a lot of men saying that looks don't matter.  Women say it constantly.  You should read the online dating profiles I've been sifting through this week.

"The thing I want most is a man that can make me laugh."

I will bet you money that I can make her laugh.  I wonder if she'll respond to my message?

The answer is, of course, "No."  I haven't gotten a single response to any of the 22 messages I have sent.

I know that losing weight and getting in better shape will make it a little bit easier to meet people, but I really wish it wasn't so damned difficult in the first place.

* * *

Dominik is doing much better since my post last week.  Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes.  He is still in the hospital and he still has a long way to go, but he is getting a little better everyday.

* * *

Last week, I averaged about 3500 calories per day, and I walked about 19,000 steps.  I only lost 0.6 pounds, but I really thought I had gained weight.  So, I'll take it!

I have lost 32.2 pounds total (in 98 days).

This week's picture is pinkish because it was taken in the studio with ambient lighting.  Fancy...

At Least You Have Your Health

My best friend is critically ill.

It's difficult to think about anything else right now.

At 7:30pm on New Year's Day, my phone rang.  I saw that it was Dominik's wife, Natalie, and I knew it was strange for her to be calling me at 2:30am German time.

Dominik was in emergency surgery.  He had a perforated intestine.  It hit him without warning in the middle of the night and he was lucky that Natalie called the ambulance as quickly as she did.  Time is everything in that situation.  The doctors have to remove the broken part of the intestine and clean the leak as soon as possible.  It's not a matter of if there will be an infection, but rather how bad the infection will be.  

He made it through the surgery with no complications, but he went into septic shock.  We're told that this is very normal under these circumstances.  He's been in a hospital bed in the ICU for the last five days and he's listed in critical condition.

Dominik is 36.  He's fit.  He's in extremely good health and is hardly ever sick.

This happened to him with no warning.

I guess my purpose in writing about this is two-fold.  First, I appreciate any prayers and good thoughts for my friend.  Second, I realize that if this can happen to him, it can happen to anyone.  It has made me think a lot about my own fragile mortality.

I want to live a long, healthy, happy life.  I know that in order to do that, I must lose weight.  I must eat better (and less) food.  I must exercise more.

There is no easy way to do this.  I am on the right track.  I just have to stick with it.

* * *

Last week, I averaged about 2300 calories per day, and I walked about 16,000 steps.  I lost 2 pounds.

I have lost 31.6 pounds total (in 91 days).

Here's a picture from my trip to Germany for Dominik and Natalie's wedding in August.  This was moments after I arrived at his apartment.  We started drinking beer immediately.  

There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays

Spending a week in your hometown, surrounded by your family and your old friends, can make you question who you are.  We all like to think that we know who we are, but it's not always easy. 

I'm charming.  I'm a nice guy.  I'm funny...

No.  I am hilarious.  

I am fairly confident in those things most of the time.  

Sure, I'm charming, but compared to my older brother Barkley, I am about as charming as a 3rd-rate used-car salesman.  Barkley is one of those guys who can talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything, and he is just incredibly likable.  In fact, I don't think I know anyone who has ever met him who doesn't like him.  When I'm around him, I still feel like the little brother watching carefully and trying to pick up a few tips.  

I always thought I was a nice guy.  After catching up with old friends on Saturday night, I learned that I was actually a terrible roommate to my friend William when we lived together during our freshman year of college.  I know he's telling the truth, but I seem to have completely blocked out that period of my life.  Apparently, while suffering through my first real breakup with my high school sweetheart, I was basically depressed and angry all the time.  It was actually very difficult to hear.  It is strange and disconcerting to hear someone talk about you in a way that is the antithesis of what you are used to.  It makes you question who you really are.  

I do know that I am funny.  I can make old friends laugh just as easily as new friends, and I can always make my family laugh.   Still, when I'm around people who have known me since I was a child, it is more difficult to tell stories and be in the spotlight.  It's not hard, but it is harder than usual. 

My brothers and my cousins don't see me the same way that my colleagues do.  My current group of friends don't see me the same way that my high-school friends do.  I don't even want to scratch the surface of what it's like to sit in a room with the girl that I was madly in love with when I was 15 years old, but let's just say that I'm an extremely different person in that situation as well. 

In the end, other peoples' perceptions of you can affect your own self-image.  I'm not sure why I'm even writing about this because I certainly don't know the answer (or even the question for that matter).  It has just been on my mind while I was driving ALL DAY LONG.  

I'm glad to be home and I'm looking forward to resuming a more normal schedule next week.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year!

* * *

I did surprisingly well over the holidays.  I averaged about 2500 calories per day, but I still only walked about 15,000 steps.  I lost 0.4 pounds.  I was actually hoping that it would be a little bit more, but I have to be happy that I didn't gain weight under the circumstances. 

I have lost 29.6 pounds total (in 84 days).

Try To Focus...

This week required an extraordinary amount of focus.  Next week will too, but for a different reason.

Monday and Tuesday were normal work days.  Wednesday through Sunday, I had two weeks of work to do in five days.  I've done it before, but it is never easy. 

The hardest part of sitting still and being that productive is keeping your focus. It was difficult 10 years ago before social media and smartphones, and it is even more difficult now.  Still, I managed to get all of my work done so that I can take off for the holidays.  

While I'm in Louisiana celebrating with family and friends, it will be important to stay focused on my diet and exercise objectives. It will be easy to get distracted with all of the things there are to do (and all the food there is to eat). 

If I can just stay focused, everything should be okay. 

 * * *

Last week I averaged about 2500 calories per day, but I only walked 16,000 steps.  I lost 1.4 pounds. 

I have not been walking enough, but I have a feeling that's going to change next week when I am in the presence of my father who counts his steps religiously and averages over five miles per day. 

I have lost 29.2 pounds total (in 77 days). 

The Ground Is Harder When You Hit It At Full Speed...

Vince Lombardi said "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up."

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  Something was going to tempt me at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and I was going to fall face-first off of the wagon.

Well, after ten weeks of staying the course, I finally tripped.  I consumed around 7500 calories on Saturday.  I won't bore you with all the details, but there was a buffet brunch, a road trip, and a Christmas party involved.  It was an all-out binge.

When I got home late Saturday night, I made the decision to fast on Sunday.  Please do not reply with comments about how I didn't eat enough calories on Sunday.  I firmly believe that occasional fasting is good for the mind, body, and soul.  I am in no danger of being malnourished because I fasted for one day.

That being said, the fast worked.  It was like detox.  I feel like I'm back on track even after a terrible day of excess.  It was fairly easy to right the ship this time.  I hope it will be a while before that happens again.

* * *

I made another unfortunate trip to the Friend Zone last week.

A few weeks ago, I ran into a girl that I worked with in the past.  When I say that we worked together, I mean it in the loosest sense of the word.  We worked for the same company in different departments and we never interacted with each other.  While we did know each other, we didn't hang out together.  We were basically just acquaintances who had the same employer.

I ran into her at a charity event a few weeks ago and we exchanged phone numbers.  I wanted to ask her out, but I didn't want to be ambiguous about it.

In the past, I have made the same mistake over and over by saying something like "I've been invited to this awesome event, would you like to be my date?" or "I have tickets to this awesome concert, do you want to go with me?"

I knew what I was doing.  I was being non-threatening and friendly (and trying to avoid instant rejection).  I was hoping that they would go with me (which they almost always did) and maybe they would fall for me when they saw how great I was (which they never did).

Not this time.  This time I was determined to be clear about my intentions.  This time I gathered up my courage, picked up the phone, and said the words "I want to take you out on a date."  I know that I said it right because I wrote it down on a note card before I called.

"I want to take you out on a date."

...AND she said yes!  What?  Did that really happen?  Awesome!

No... not so fast...

Unfortunately, the date idea was to go to an awesome event with a very exclusive guest list.  Maybe that's why she misunderstood me.   Five minutes into what I was certain was a 'real' date, she made an offhand remark about the guy she's been seeing.

I think you could actually hear my ego deflating at that moment.

I know one thing for certain about dating.  If she is talking to you about another guy, you are not on a date.  You are 'just friends' and (in my case) you're going to stay 'just friends' because she'll never see you any other way.

Needless to say, I 'm disappointed.  I was so sure I had been more transparent with my intentions.  In the end, I'm just too 'friendly' for my own good.

I am trying to focus on the quote from the top of this entry.  "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up."  It's a little harder to do when it comes to romance, but my only other choice is to stay on the ground.

I don't like it on the ground.

* * *

Last week I averaged about 2800 calories per day, and I only walked 24,000 steps.  Nonetheless, I lost 1.6 pounds.

I have lost 27.8 pounds total (in 70 days).

By the way, THIS is what a bad day looks like when you count your calories...